The Cullen's trip to WalMart
by Paranoid Pessimist
Summary: The Cullens move to a new town in Montana and decide to let the people there know that the Cullen Family is in town... by playing pranks in Wal-mart. This is about 70 years after Bella has been married to ewdard and changed into a vampire. R
1. The Power of God

**Hey guys! This is my new story of Bella and the Cullens fooling around at Wal-mart!**

**--**

_**Bella P.O.V**_

I sighed as Edward planted kisses down the jaw line of my marble cold skin. Yes, marble cold skin. I was a vampire now. Just as planned, Edward changed me after the wedding. He was reluctant at first, but soon enough the part of him that wanted me for an eternity took over.

Edward gently grabbed me left hand in his, and we continued walking down the streets of Joliet. My wedding ring sparkled in the light of the sunset, and I couldn't help but smile. Out of the corner of my eyes, I couldn't help but see Edward smiling too.

We had moved to Joliet, Montana earlier this week. It was a small town just like Forks.

Forks, boy, that name reminds me of so much. The first time Edward and I had gone to the meadow, our first kiss, the wedding. And Jacob. I felt a pain in my heart. After the wedding, the Cullen's and I moved to Denali, Alaska, and that's were I was changed.

I learned to control my urges against human blood faster than anyone in the Cullen coven. We stayed in Alaska for a year and a half, enough time from my eyes to turn from a ruby red, to a liquid topaz. After that, we kept moving around every 2 years or so. Since People would notice we weren't aging, and discovered we weren't exactly human. We haven't been to Forks yet. The fears of having the werewolves start a war for breaking the treaty hung above us.

Edward's smooth velvet voice broke me out of my thoughts. "What are you thinking about, love?"

I sighed happily, and looked down at our entwined hands. "Forks." I replied. Edward pressed his lips to my jaw as I leaned back into him. "Great memories." He mumbled, lips still pressed to my skin. I nodded as we turned the corner to our large, Victorian style house.

We walked onto the polished porch and Edward leaned in to turn the door knob. But before his hand could even touch the knob, the door flew open to reveal four very excited, teenage vampires.

I arched my eyebrow and before I got to speak, Alice's soprano voice cut me off.

"Ohmygosh,ihavethegreatestidea,wearegoingtogotowalmart!" She spoke at vampire speed. Good thing I was a vampire, and was able to catch it all.

"Wal-mart?" I asked, my eyebrows furrowed in confusion. I looked up to see a smirk on Edward's perfect face.

"She wants to go to Wal-mart, and let the people of Joliet know that the Cullen's are in town." He explained quickly. My face still held a confused look, so Emmett spoke up.

"Play pranks in Wal-mart!" He Bellowed. I couldn't help but let a wicked grin spread across my face.

"Bella…" Jaspers warning voice ended my train of thoughts. I looked over to him and saw what the problem was. Esme's Russian vase was floating in the air.

"Oops." I smiled innocently, and put the vase back down.

You see, that my power. Telekinesis. A month or two after my change, I participated in my first baseball game with the Cullen's. The Ball kept floating during being pitched, until near the end of the game, we wound out I was causing all the commotion.

"So are we going, or what?" Rosalie's voice was filled with excitement.

"Yeah!" We all chorused back. Edward, Jasper, Emmett and Alice sped out the door towards the cars outside, while Rosalie and I stayed behind. After I was changed, Rosalie let the hatred towards me go, and we bonded getting closer and closer, until we were like blood sisters.

"You ready for some fun time at Wal-mart?" She squealed. We giggled and hugged each other.

"Girl Power!" We screamed, and ran out the door.

I got into the Driver's seat of my Porsche Boxster S, with Edward in the Passenger's seat giving me a puzzled look.

"Oh, just a girl thing." I waved my hand in a pish-posh position and sped off, following Alice's Porsche, and Emmett's Jeep.

--

We all entered through the door of Wal-mart, while people stared at us.

Edward leaned into my ear and whispered, "They're wondering why such angels are coming to a store such as Wal-mart."

I couldn't help but chuckle. A couple of Emo/goth kids were walking about 3 isles down from us. Jasper got a huge grin on his face, and turned to the beverage section, grabbing a couple water bottles.

He started walking towards the Emo/Goth kids, wearing a somber expression on his face.We stood behind and watched.

He faced the kids completely and started to throw the water bottles at them.

The Three kids looked at him like he was crazy. "What the Hell?!" Screeched the girl on the right.

"The Power Of Christ Compels You!" Jasper yelled, while throwing more and more water bottles at them. The kids finally got fed-up and ran away with shock and fear written all over their faces. Jasper jogged after them still yelling, 'The Power Of Christ Compels You.'

Edward, Emmett, Alice, Rosalie and I were rolling on the floor laughing. Rosalie and I were leaning against each other for support while dying of laughter. Jasper came back with a smug smile on his face, and we couldn't help but laugh harder.

"Jasper… the…kids…thought…you…were…some…crazy…guy their parents…hired." Edward managed in between gasps. His statement made us laugh even harder. People were watching us as if we were crazy indeed.

After about 5 minutes the laughter finally died down, and Rosalie's eyes sparkled with an evil glow. She turned around and grabbed a box of…

**--**

**TeeHee, cliffhanger. So how was the first chapter? This was a prologe/introducion, so the next cahpter will get longer, and funnier. I'm sorry if i offended anyone with the Emo and god thing. If i did, please PM me.**

**-Bella Rosalie Cullen**


	2. Do these work for you?

**Hey! This chapter may be rated a little bit of "M" parts. Depends on the way you look at it. This may not be as funny, i needed some drama in this story. So here's the 'Drama'. **

**Disclaimer is on my profile!**

**-Bella Rosalie Cullen**

--

**Bella P.O.V**

After about 5 minutes the laughter finally died down, and Rosalie's eyes sparkled with an evil glow. She turned around and grabbed a box of condoms. Followed by another, and another, and another, until her arms were packed with boxes.

I walked back towards the entrance of the store, and picked up a shopping basket. Stopping by Edward, I handed Rosalie the basket. She stuffed the 20 or so boxes of condoms in it and mumbled a distant 'thanks'.

Rosalie looked over my shoulder, and her gaze landed on a married couple that seemed to be in their 40's. She flashed us her star-dazzling smile, flipped her blond hair, and gracefully strode ahead to the couple.

She approached them, and cleared her throat. The man seemed to fall for Rosalie's beauty for a while, until snapping back to reality. Emmett, who was standing to my right, glared.

The woman, who had her hand snaked around her husband's waist, took a glance at Rosalie's shopping basket. Her eyes grew to the size of dinner plates, and her jaw dropped to the floor. She nudged her husband in the stomach, and he held the same shocked expression.

Rosalie just smiled warmly at them. "Ah yes, I was wondering if these work for you." She gestured to her basket full of condoms. The couple didn't respond, due to shock, so Rosalie spoke up again. "My boyfriend and I are planning on a nice, relaxing weekend. And we don't want any 'mistakes'." She winked at the last word.

The woman, who was now frozen with shock, opened her mouth to speak. "Honey, - um… aren't you a little… well… Young- for these….things." she managed to stutter out.

"Pssh. My boyfriend and I have done it 'a lot'. Without a thing going wrong, everything went smoothly." Rosalie spun around and her gaze was locked on Emmett's face. She waved him over and turned back to the stunned couple. "In fact, here's my boyfriend right now."

Emmett grunted beside me, and started to make his way towards Rose. "Hello." He greeted them with a gruff voice.

If possible, the couple's eyes grew larger. "Tha-tha-that's you're boyfriend?" The man spoke up for the first time, his voice abnormally high. His finger was pointed towards Emmett.

Alice giggled while burying her face in Jasper's chest as he tried to stifle his laughter.

Edward leaned in behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. His mouth inched closer to my ear, and I could feel his breath on the nape of my neck. "They're shocked to see Emmett huge figure and Rosalie's super-model form. And they also suspect that Rosalie is a 17 year old possibly having an affair with a 23 year old without her parents knowing." Edward whispered into my ear. I held a hand to my mouth to hide my laughter, and leaned into Edward. He chuckled, creating a musical, velvety sound.

"Well, yeah- sure they work fine." The couple waved awkwardly towards the condoms.

They looked like they were going to walk away, so Emmett spoke up. "Do you by any chance know where the Edible body oil is located?"

The man turned pale, as the woman turned an odd shade of green. "Near isle 6." They mumbled so quietly, no human would've been able to hear. With that, they turned around and walked away at a fast pace.

When they were out of sight, Rosalie and Emmett came back to us with huge grins on their faces. Edward, Alice, Jasper, and I laughed hysterically.

"Nice one Rose." I patted her shoulder, and she grinned.

"Rose, what are you going to do with the rest of those?" Edward cocked an eyebrow as Alice giggled. "Alice, why are you blocking your thoughts from me?" Edward asked.

"Oh dear brother, I'll be doing it all day today." She giggled again, while Edward just groaned and smacked a hand to his forehead. I leaned forward and rubbed his shoulder soothingly.

"Oh yes. The basket! That thing back there was just the first part." Rose exclaimed. She walked up to an empty cart, whose owner was an n elderly woman in her 50's. Rose looked around quickly, and stashed 2 boxes of condoms under some Gatorade bottles near the bottom of the cart.

As Rosalie turned around, she saw some 17-year old girls who were splitting from their mothers near the food court. The two girls glared at Rosalie, Alice, and I.

"They're thinking very mean and dirty thoughts about you girls. Saying you're some fake Barbie doll's." Edward growled softly. At that I rested my hands on Edward's shoulders, calming him.

"Well then," Jasper spoke with a hint of amusement in his voice "Let's show them the whole Cullen family." He and Alice wrapped their arms around each other and started to walk by the girls.

Edward wrapped his arms securely around my waist, and we followed Alice and Jasper. And behind us were Emmett and Rosalie, giving each other chaste kisses.

When we came close by the 17-year old's, they Google-eyed Edward and glared at me. Edward, reading their thoughts, gripped my waist tighter, spun me around to face him entirely, and gave me a passionate kiss. I ran my left hand through his hair, making sure to show my wedding ring. As soon as it hit the light, I heard gasps come from the girls.

"Holy shit. They seem jus as old as us, and their Married!" One of the girls whispered to her friend, thinking we wouldn't hear it. Edward smiled against my lips.

"He probably just married her because of the way she gets him in bed. Look at all the condoms that blond Barbie's holding for her. Watch me, when I go up there, he'll dump that looser and come running after me." The girl with Dirty Blond hair whispered back.

Edward and I pulled away from each other, with Alice, Jasper, Rose, and Emmett at our sides.

"Hello." The Girl batted her eye lashes furiously, glancing at Edward, Emmett and Jasper the whole time. Edward's face was rested on my head as he replied a boring 'hello'.

"Is there something in you're eyelashes?" Emmett asked her. She turned a furious tomato red, and slowly proceeded towards Edward and Emmett. Jasper was farther away from us, holding Alice.

Edward, noticing the girl's moves stepped back a step, with his hand around his waist, he pulled me along. "My wife and I are in a rush to get something. So are my brothers and sisters in law."

The girl scoffed at the word 'wife' and then she had a shocked Expression on her face. "You're all- m-married?" She stuttered. Edward nodded and sighed an exasperated sigh, as if this were some boring news from a year ago.

"Edward!" I hissed under my breath. Too fast and low for any one but the Cullen's to hear. "What if she goes to our school? They can't know we're married!"

"Don't worry love," he whispered back "She's here to visit her grandparents. They stopped by at Wal-mart to get some food, and then they're on a road trip back to Utah." He added soothingly.

"Plus, I don't see them telling anyone." Alice chirped in quickly, but quietly.

Relief washed over me and same with the rest of the Cullen's. "Well than, we better go." Jasper's voice broke the silence. With that, we left the two girls standing there with their jaws wide open.

"Watch out! You might let in flies!" Rosalie called back, which made us all laugh and the girls blush.

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**_The girls will play a small part in later chapters! This wasn't funny, but i have Chapter 3 all typed up, and it's funny. When i get 13 or more reviews, ill update._**

**_-Bella Rosalie Cullen_**


	3. The Customer is ALWAYS right!

**Disclaimer: **Sadly, I do not own Twilight. I **DO** own Jasper's Water bottles from chapter 1, and the store-clerk Jerry.

**Authors Note: **I have tons of pranks and things planned for later chapters. If you would like to suggest any, you can write them in with you're reviews. :

**Authors Note 2:** This chapter would have been published yesterday, Monday 19, 2008. But, it wouldn't let me log-in because of some technical glitch. I was fighting with my computer for about 3 hours until I finally gave up!

**Reviews: **I haven't typed up chapter 4 yet, but I do have pranks planned for it. There are very slim chances it will come out today, but if I get a lot of reviews, it may propel me to update later tonight. :. Thank you dearly to those who have reviewed. :D

Now… On with the story!

--

**Bella P.O.V**

We stopped near a toy isle. Edward's face grew into a crooked grin. "Watch and learn." With that, he turned away from us and walked farther into the isle. Edward picked up a couple bouncy balls, and started to throw them over into the other isles.

He continued to throw objects into the isle on the left until about a minute later we heard a raspy voice scream, "OWW! What THE F--!?" We laughed quietly as Edward dropped the rest of the bouncy balls, and ran past us, hiding behind some cloths racks. His expression looked like a child that had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

Emmett and Jasper ran to the nearest video games and pretended to be interested in them, as Rosalie, Alice and I twirled around and pretended to be in a heated conversation about the plants we were looking on buying. About 10 seconds later, a man that was in his mid-30's emerged from the isle.

"Who did THAT?!" He yelled, once again. Our conversations stopped immediately and we looked at the man as if he were crazy. He attempted to growl, it sounded like a dying bear though.

"Sir, Are you okay?" Alice asked in her innocent and concerned voice. The man turned an un-normal shade of purple. "Do I LOOK OKAY?!" The vein in his forehead was pulsing.

"Whoa, that **cannot** be healthy." Jasper whispered, using his vampire voice. We all stifled a giggle, and managed to keep our best poker faces on. The man let out a very sharp sigh and stormed away. Once the coast was clear, Edward re-appeared from behind the racks. He wrapped his stone arms around me lightly and pulled me in for a kiss. As we pulled away, Emmett grabbed Edward into a headlock and ruffled his hair playfully.

"Nice job, bro." His booming voice echoed on the walls.

"Over-Reacting much?" Rosalie questioned, looking around for the man. We all laughed at her statement.

"He looked as if he was going to rip someone's head off!" I added in, clutching my stomach from laughing so hard. We all fell into a roar of laughter.

After about 5 minutes of walking around the store randomly, and placing condoms in random people's carts, we stopped at an electronics station.

Emmett rubbed his hands together as if planning something evil. He pushed ahead of us, and headed strait for the stores-person handling the Electronic purchases. He stopped by a radio and rubbed his chin intensely, as if debating on something.

The sales-person noticing Emmett walked over. "Hello, welcome to Wal-Mart, how may we help you?" His voice sounded snotty, as if his nose were clogged up.

Emmett leaned in, and squinted purposefully to read his nametag. "Hello Jerry, I was wondering… how does this radio work?"

Jerry beamed as soon as Emmett mentioned his name. "Well, it works on Batteries not on a plug, so-"

Emmett cut him off. "You are wrong!" he screamed.

Jerry seemed confused so he spoke up again. "But sir it does really work on-"

Emmett's hands shook with rage as he screamed again. "The customer is ALWAYS right, Dammit!"

Jerry backed of, visually scared. "Sir I'm s-s-sorry. B-but-"

"Don't you 'SORRY' me! I want to speak to you're manager!" People were starting to gather around, interested in all the commotion.

Jerry paused and just looked at Emmett. After a while, Emmett just threw his hands up into the air, a sign of annoyance and defeat. "That's it! I'm off to Target! They'll listen to me there!" After that, he stalked off, leaving Jerry and the rest of the people gathered around with shocked expressions.

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**Teehee. There's Chapter 3! I hope you liked it!**

**Bella Rosalie Cullen**


	4. There's no toilet paper in here!

**Disclaimer: **

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

I don't own Twilight,

And neither do YOU!

**Authors Note: **I have tons of pranks and things planned for later chapters. If you would like to suggest any, you can write them in with you're reviews. :

**Authors Note 2:** I'm sorry I haven't updated my stories for a long period of time. With finals coming up, and the end of the school year, I just couldn't find the time for it. The school year ended yesterday, so over the summer, my updates will come out quicker and faster.

**Reviews: **I haven't typed up chapter 5 yet, but I do have pranks planned for it. There are very slim chances it will come out today, but if I get a lot of reviews, it may propel me to update later tonight. :. Thank you dearly to those who have reviewed. :D

_Now… On with the story!_

_--_

**_Bella P.O.V_**

"Emmett that was genius!" Rosalie screeched, while wrapping her arms around his neck and giving him a quick peck on the lips. We all chuckled and nodded our heads in agreement.

Alice's head sharply turned to face my direction. "Bella, you haven't done anything 'big' yet." She playfully glared, but I could see the excitement dancing away in her topaz eyes.

"Yeah Bells," Jasper cut in. Thank you for defending me Big Brother. I took a glance at the rest of their faces. All of them had smirks on their faces, including Edward.

"Thank you for standing by my side, oh so dear husband." I mumbled, covering my face with my hand. After a while, I split my pointer finger and middle finger apart gently and peeked through. Edward was sitting there, his smirk growing wider. He picked up my left hand and kissed my wedding ring. I smiled and leaned in closer.

"Oh come _on_!" Emmett dragged out the last word, "I came here to play pranks and not see my brother and sister making out." A giggle escaped my lips.

"Alright Emmett" I gave in, and straightened up. "Watch and learn, brother, watch and learn." With that, I flipped my hair over my shoulder and gracefully strode away from them. God, I'm so thankful for vampire grace, otherwise I would have tripped a million times already.

I could sense my family behind me with every step I took. So when I got to my destination, I twirled around halfway with a smug smile.

"The changing room?" Edward asked me, raising and eyebrow. Alice giggled. "Dang it, Alice. Stop blocking you're thoughts from me!" He ran a hand through his hair, clearly frustrated.

Alice just grinned and shook her head from side to side. Rolling my eyes at my husbands and sisters childish ways, I waltzed into the changing room. Opening the door to changing room door 5, I glanced around, noting that no employee was on duty. _PERFECT_. I thought.

I walked through the door and shut it behind me. After a while of sitting in it, I opened my mouth, ready to shout…

"DAMMIT, THERES NO TOILET PAPER!" Shuffling around, I heard several gasps come from shoppers, and the laughter of my siblings. "My baby sister has _FINALLY_ got a hang of it!" Emmett declared proudly. I could practically hear the smirk in his voice.

I put on my best angry customer face, and marched back to the Customer changing room main lobby thing, muttering things about the employee's not stocking up the bathrooms.

Several people eyed me and gave me disgusted looks. I just huffed and stormed out of the Changing room completely. I was immediately bombarded by my brothers. Emmett picked me up in a bear hug, whilst Jasper ruffled my hair.

'EEK! STOP." I squealed loudly. Emmett put me down, and Jasper stopped massacring my hair. "Sorry Bells, we're just proud of you." Emmett wiped a fake tear from his face. Rosalie rolled her eyes and we both slapped him upside the head.

"Owww! What was_ THAT_ for?" He rubbed his head.

Rosalie looked around and leaned in, just so we can hear. "First of all, you're a vampire, THAT SHOULDN'T HURT! And second, it was for you being an idiot."

When they were done fighting, a great idea popped into my head. "Alice, do you see the teenage girls checking out the stuff they bought and meeting with their mothers anytime soon?" Alice gave me a strange look, but her eyes went blank. After a minute or two she came out of her glassy haze, and a smile grew upon her lips.

"Bella, that's genius!" She exclaimed. I flashed her a smile and Edward wrapped his arm around my waist pulling me closer. His breath on the nape of my neck still sent shivers down my spine. After being married to him for 71 years, he still held the ability to dazzle me.

Putting a hand gently under my chin, he turned my face to his, locking our eyes together. "So what are you planning?" He asked, giving me the crooked smile I loved. But I knew better than to get under his spell.

"Edward Cullen, you cheat!" I playfully scolded. He smiled and kissed me square on the mouth.

"I had to give it a try, Love." He murmured in his velvety voice. My lips tugged upwards at the corners as I gave him one last kiss.

Pulling away from him, I motioned Alice and Rosalie to follow me. As soon as we were by the cash registers, I told Rosalie to give me the last 3 condom boxes she had left in the shopping basket. She gave them to me while giving me a questioning glance.

I grabbed a hat and sunglasses from the rack, and put them on as a disguise. I spotted the two sluts over by the cash register. I walked over to the magazine isle that was inches away from the two sluts shopping baskets. I pretended to be deeply interested in the news.

When they looked away, I made sure no body saw me, and using vampire speed, I slipped the 3 boxes of condoms into the basket, hiding them under some cloths. Once again, I glanced around and strode back to my family. They started to cheer but I shushed them, awaiting the reaction of the girl's mom.

Finally we heard a loud screech. "ASHLEY SEATON AND JENNA WRIGHT! WHAT ARE THESE BOXES OF **CONDOMS** DOING IN **YOU'R **BASKET?! DID YOU REALLY TINK YOU COULD GET AWAY WITH THIS?! JUST WAIT UNTIL YOU'RE FATHER HEARS ABOUT THIS. AND YOU TOO YOUNG LADY! JUST BECAUSE I'M NOT YOU'RE MOTHER DOESN'T MEAN THAT I WON'T CALL YOU'R PARENTS AND TELL THEM ABOUT **THIS**!!" The girls tried to protest, but the mother cut them off with a wave of her hand. She grabbed the one I was assuming her daughter by the hand, and dragged her out of the store, followed by the other girl.

As soon as they were out of sight, the booming laughter of my family and I echoed through the walls of Wal-Mart.

--

**Haha. I hope you liked this cahpter. Summer break is finally here, and i'll be updating daily. Please Review! :D**

**-Bella Rosalie Cullen**


	5. Bam, Bam!

**Hello! I'm sorry i haven't updated in a while, it's just that i'm getting writers block with most of my stories. This chapter is pretty short, but i have another chater that's a quarter of the way written, and should be out either tonight at the earliest, or tommarow morning at the latest.**

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing.

**Poll: **I have a poll on my profile, please take it; i'll need it for a future FanFic.

**Reviews: Woah, **65 reviews, Thank you very much to my supporters and reviewers :D

**--**

_**Bella P.O.V**_

Alice zoned out for a minute and when her vision was done, her eyes sparkled mischievously. Before I had a chance to speak, she grabbed my arm and Rosalie's arm and dragged us to a cloths isle. The boys stood back and watched us with interest.

"Alice, are you seriously thinking of shopping right now?" I asked her, confusion evident in my voice. Rosalie kept watching Alice intensely as if trying to figure out what this little pixie was up to. We heard some snickers behind us and Emmett decided to speak up.

"Wal-Mart, she can't even keep away from shopping for cloths in a place like Wal-Mart, i thought she had more dignity." He whispered to Jasper and Edward, but with our super-hearing, we still heard it. Alice turned around and stuck her tongue out at them in a childish manner.

"No, I am not thinking of Shopping." She told Rosalie and I, but still threw a glare over her shoulder. Rosalie and I exchanged confused glances, but decided to keep quiet and find out what Alice was up to.

Alice led us to a clothing rack that was crowded with people. "Follow my lead." She whispered to us. We both nodded and started to look through the cloths rack like Alice was. We searched around the clothing racks for a while before Alice gave a dramatic sigh and turned to us.

"Who buys this crap anyway?!" She asked us, purposefully loud so the other customers could hear. Rosalie looked confused for about a split second before a look of knowing crossed her face. I glanced around at the customer's that heard us. Several women were looking a tad bit nervous, some were gawking at us, and a woman near us quickly put away that blouse she was looking at and walked away, hoping we wouldn't catch her.

Biting my bottom lip to keep from laughter, I turned on my heel, and started to march out of the clothing section with Rosalie on my right and Alice on my left. As soon as we were far away, we fell into a fit of giggles.

"Alice...Did...You see... that woman.. who put away... her things...after our... statement?" I asked in between laughs.

"Yes." Alice squeaked out. Rosalie just continued to laugh harder. Eventually, our giggling fit came to an end, and we headed back to find the boys.

Edward, Emmett, and Jasper were standing and looking at us with amused expressions. "Great job, Alice." Edward smiled his crooked grin.

"Yeah Al, for a second there I thought you were actually buying some of those cloths." Emmett gave her a pat on the back, while Jasper rolled his eyes and gave his wife a sweet kiss on the lips. As they pulled away, a evil grin spread across Emmett's lips. Alice fell into a huge fit of laughter, and we all exchanged concerned glances.

Emmett grabbed a baseball helmet and put it on backwards. He then grabbed a hunting vest and put it on, while grabbing a stuffed bear and tucking it under his left arm. He disappeared for a while and then came back with a pool stick in his right hand.

I laughed at how ridiculous he looked. Edward looked at Emmett for a couple seconds and nodded curtly, probably taking comands that Emmett was thinking. "I will get you!" Emmett screamed in a retarded voice and ran off near an isle. Tip-toeing near an elderly man who was looking at some hunting guns, Emmett rolled across the floor. "BAM BAM!" He yelled, pointing the pool stick at the man and running out of sight, so when the Elderly man turned around, no one was there.

This caused Jasper, Rosalie, Alice and I to giggle. Well in Jasper's case, Laugh. Emmett continued to do this non-stop with other customers.

An employee, seeing this, started walking towards Emmett, but was stopped halfway with a very serious looking Edward. Edward put his hand up. "I'm sorry sir, it's just that my brother has the tendency to be a bit, slow." He moved his hand in a slow circular motion to prove his point and continued. "This is just his way of expressing himself."

The employee shot Emmett a sympathetic look and turned back to Edward, shooting him a look of pity. "Alright, just make sure he doesn't break anything, and try to get him to stop after about 5 minutes."

Edward nodded, and the employee shot Emmett another pity look before walking off.

**--**

**Sorry it was so short, but like i said before, there's another chaper coming out in the next day to make up for this one. **

**How did you like my pranks in this Chapter?**

**Reviews make Emmett Happy :D**

**-Bella Rosalie Cullen**


	6. Air Samples

**Hello! So this is my second chapter for this story today, and fifth chapter posted today including chapters i posted from my other stories. I've decided to put all my other stories on hold and finish this story and my other story 'the Laughing Stream.' **

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing.

**Poll: **I have a poll on my profile, please take it; i'll need it for a future FanFic.

**Reviews: **_Woah_**,** 83 reviews, Thank you very much to my supporters and reviewers :D I'm glad my FanFic could make you laugh :D

**--**

_**Bella P.O.V**_

Emmett continued his little 'Hunting' game for three more minutes before taking off his helmet and giving us a satisfied grin. We all gave him a big group hug that he gratefully accepted.

As i pulled away, i noticed that a certain husband of mine was missing. "You guys, where's Edward?" I asked them, their chit-chat immediately ceased, as they looked around.

As if on cue, Edward appeared with a shopping basket. I raised my eyebrow at him but he just shrugged and walked ahead of the group.

As he entered an isle, his walking started to get slower, and he kept glancing around suspiciously. Alice, who was beside me, giggled uncontrollably. Edward stopped at a shelf and grabbed a ski Mask and some rope. My eyes widened slightly.

He continued to stoop around the store suspiciously, as we followed, about 10 feet behind, pretending to mind our own bussiness. Near the end of his little 'shopping experiance', the contents in his shopping basket contained; A ski mask, duct tape, rope, a large knife, a shovel, a box of toothpicks, and some large, black garbage bags.

Edward's pace quickened as he walked up to the cash register. Handing the basket to the cashier, Edward continued to look around suspiciously to see if anyone was watching him. He caught my eye for a split second and winked before turning his expression stony again.

The cashier shot Edward a bored look while blowing a bubble from the gum he was chewing rather annoyingly. Edward tapped his foot impatiently at the cashiers slow checking out of the items. "Hurry Up. I gotta meet my wife, for uhm," Edward shot a nervous glance towards the things he was buying, "... Something." He finished lamely.

The cashier's eyes widened and he turned a un-human pale color. "F-f-fourty F-f-Five, f-fifty." The cashier stuttered out the price. Edward dug out the exact amount and handed it to the cashier. The cashier took the money carefully eyeing Ewdard, as if he had a disease.

Edward grabbed the bag and ran out of the store in a human sprint pace. The cashier let out a sigh of relief and went back to chewing his gum, and re-stoking drinks.

Alice was giggling and clutching her sides, Jasper and Emmett were laughing, and Rosalie and I were giggling while holding onto each other. Shortly after about 7 minutes, Edward came back through the door with a grin of success plastered on his face.

Soon enough, we were together in a group again, silently deciding who would go first. Jasper's eyes lit up excitment, and at the same time, Alice dug out a couple bags from her pocket. Seeing the glances she was getting from us, she looked up and opened her mouth to explain. "Psychic. I always come prepared." she tapped her finger against her temple slightly to prove her point. Jasper took the bags from Alice and walked ahead about 30 feet from us.

Holding the bag up above his head, Jasper started running, and the bag was acting like a parachute, collecting air and puffing up.

"Excuse me, Boy, what do you think you're doing?" A man in his middle-fourties yelled out.

"I'm with the 'Air Quality Control Company', and need to collect some air samples to be inspected!" Jasper answered back, while tying up one of the bags that were full.

The man's shook his head and walked away. I clasped a hand over my mouth to keep from laughing out, and buried my face in Edward's collarbone.

Jasper continued to do this throughout the whole store, and at the End, he collected about 5 bags worth of air. Slinging them over his shoulder, stalking off and whistling a merry tune. Some people gave him looks of sympathy while some just shook their heads and walked away like the man from earlier.

Once he was out of sight off all other people other than his family, Jasper untied all of the bags, let the air free, and threw the bags away.

He walked passed us, "I'm not done Yet." He whispered in a vampire voice and walked off to the women's clothing section.

Jasper stood in the isle in which te Underwear for women was held. Making sure to have a few witnesses, he started flinching slightly and let out a scream of terror. Flinching even more, he looked like he was having a seizure.

A brave woman came up to him. "Sweetie! Are you okay?! What's the matter?!" Jasper looked at her and suddenly stood up. "THE PANTIES WILL EAT ME!!" He screeched and ran through the racks crazily, stumbling from time to time. He clutched his hands over his ears and started tugging his hear. "THEY'LL GET ME! THE PANTIES WILL EAT ME!!" He started sobbing "No, no NO!!" He yelled.

About 2 isles down, Edward, Emmett, Rosalie, Alice and I were leaning on each other to keep from collapsing into a fit of laughter at Jasper's psychotic flashbacks and screams.

**--**

**How did you like my pranks in this Chapter?**

**Reviews make Jerry Happy :D (You Know, the store clerk from the previous chapter!) ;**

**If after posting this Chapter, i get an altogether total of 100 reviews or more, i'll happily stay up through the night, and write another Chapter for TODAY :D**

**-Bella Rosalie Cullen**


	7. Wild Monkey on the loose

**Hello : I know this chapter is short, but hopefully the prnkas in it make up for the lenghth.**

**Disclaimer: **Nope, i still don't own it. -Sob-

**Reviews: **110 reviews for 6 chapters! Thank you very much for you're support :D

**POLL: **Please take the poll on my profile if you haven't already; it'll help me with a future FanFic.

**FanFiction Stories:** Can you guys check out my other stories like the 'Laughing Stream', i don't know if i should continue it or not.

_-Bella Rosalie Cullen_

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"Guys," Emmett's voice interrupted our laughing trances. "I know I've done a lot of pranks, but can I do another one, Please, please, please?"

We all shrugged and nodded. "Yes!" Emmett pumped his fist in the air. "I won't let you down." He vowed while speed-walking to the knitting section. Emmett then took some yarn and tied it across the isle. Going onto the next isle, and the next isle, he repeated the process until about the whole roll of white yarn was out.

Dumping the rest of the yarn, Emmett came to stand back by us. Rosalie's soft voice broke the silence. "Are you just going to leave it like that?"

Emmett grinned. "Nope, that was just part one of my plan."

A woman with curly red hair walked into the isle. Edward snickered while Alice let out a small giggle. Rolling my eyes, i looked back to the woman in the isle.

Waking near the end of the isle where the string was tied, she tripped over it but held out her hand in front of her protectivly, so she could manage to break the fall.

"What-who-the..." She stuttered, several people who also tripped over the strings started to gather up by her. Emmett took that as a cue to run up.

Running up to them he appeared breathless, and putting his hands on his knees, he spoke up. "I'm sorry, I'm the exterminator and there's a wild monkey running loose." He glanced around wildly, and suddenly stood up.

"There HE GOES!" He screamed about the 'monkey on the loose' while running through the isles and tripping over as much wire yarns that he set up. The people looked shocked while taking there shopping baskets and walking off to pay for them and get out of this crazy store.

A couple minutes into our laughter we heard another crash. "DAMN MONKEY!" We heard Emmett screech. "I WILL get you, you DEMON!" That made or laughing fit worse. It's a good thing we were vampires, otherwise, we would have died of lack of oxygen.

Emmett continued his quest for the 'monkey' in the other isles, out of eye sight, but we could still hear him perfectly. A male employee saw me and decided to walk over and try to hit on me. Edward's head turned sharply and he glowered at the employee. I nudged him and turned to give him a wink.

"Hello, can I help you?" The employee asked me, I could see him undressing me with his eyes. Working hard not to grimance, I started to dry sob, and covered my face with my hands.

"Why won't you people just leave me alone?!" I sobbed. The employee seemed alarmed but before he could open his mouth to speak, an announcment came overhead.

"Clean up in isle 6" The announcement was repeated twice. _Perfect timing_, I thought.

I grabbed my Head in between my hands and sunk to the floor on my knees. "Its the VOICES AGAIN! They won't leave me aloneeee!!" I screamed, thrashing around. The male employee looked up at Alice and Rosalie who gave him warm smiles.

Rosalie spoke up, "I'm sorry about our sister." Alice nodded and took over. "She has these 'moments' every once in a while." The employee, considering his shocked state, nearly managed to nod. He walked away awkwardly.

Edward helped me up and gave me a kiss on the cheek. Alice giggled. "Flirting with you won't cross that poor boys mind again." Edward gave a satisfied grin.

Jasper gave me a thumbs up before concentrating on something again. "Isle 6.." He murmured and suddenly his head shot up with a sly grin.

"Guy's isn't isle 6 the isle where Emmett is hunting the 'Wild Monkey'?"

--

**Reviews? :D**


	8. Stuck in the closet!

**Hello! . I've decided to put all my other stories on hold and finish this story and my other story that i just started , "Freedom Slowly sinking with the Sun" If I offended anyone with the second prank, please let me know.**

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing.

**Poll: **You know the poll that was in my profile, well, I closed it and I made a story based on it, "Freedom Slowly Sinking With The Sun". Thank you to all that voted :D

**Reviews:**157 reviews, Thank you to all my readers and supporters, the second prank in this chapter is actually a prank I got from **YoruRin,** Thank you for the idea :D This Chapter is once again short, but i put in 3 pranks to make up for the shortness of it. I'll be using some of the other pranks that people have mentioned in reviews, in my next chapters :D

**--**

_**Bella P.O.V**_

We quickly ran over the isle 6 to find Emmett in the middle of pure chaos. There was string wrapped around him, food was all over the floor, and several other things that fell from shelves were splattered everywhere. Emmett just gave us an Innocent grin while we rolled our eyes.

"Come On, Emmett, we have to get out of here before the manager comes." Rosalie took his arm and dragged him away from the massacre. By now, we were in another isle, completely away from isle 6.

An announcementcame on the intercom, ""Security, scan all departments," At this point, Emmett raised both of his hands and flicked off the cameras while walking through the isles. This got a chuckle out of us.

"Rosalie, block you're thoughts!" I heard Alice whisper fiercely to Rose, as I turned around, Alice motioned for me to come over. "Rose and I are fighting over you." She added so only I could hear, she winked at me and motioned for Rose and I to follow her. We were standing in the middle of the store near the cash registers right now.

"Bella! You loved_ me_!" Alice screeched loudly and grabbed me by the arm, pulling me to her side.

"No, Bella you loved _me_! Remember that one night at the bar!?" Rosalie screeched back and pulled me to her side.

"No! Remember that one night on New Years Eve, Bella?! How could you ever forget that!" Alice looked close to tears now, _Damn she's a good actress,_ I though.

"Bella! _We're_ MARRIED!" Rosalie objected loudly while thrusting out her hand dramatically to reveal a wedding ring. We heard the customers gasp, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw we had an audience.

"Isabella, _We're_ MARRIED!" Alice screamed loudly while showing her wedding ring. The audience once against gasped, louder than before.

"Bella Is _MINE_!" Alice and Rose screamed in unison, at this, they started throwing mere human kicks and punches at eachother that wouldn't affect them. But they looked realistic, so the audience believedthem. Their fight lead them to some deserted isle in which none of the customers dared entering. Alice looked around to see if anyone was looking, and beamed with pride in her voice. "Coast is clear!"

"Damn, that was H-O-T, hot!" Emmett boomed, while Edward and Jasper slapped him upside the head.

We saw the manager walking around the store, probably looking for the hooligans causing all these pranks, us. A grin appeared on Jasper's face as he smoothly walked over to the manager with his face smooth placid. "Hello."

The manager turned to Jasper, "Why, Hello, Do you need help with anything?"

Jasper thought for a second and then opened his mouth to speak, "Why yes, I'm wondering if you could tell me the brief history of this Marvelous place" He gestured to the store around them.

The manager beamed with pride. " Well, you see WalMart was founded in 1962-" Jasper's cell phone rang, cutting off the manager from his explanation. I looked around quickly to spot Alice on a cell phone, she just gave us a smile and pointed to Jasper.

"I'm sorry, I have to take this." Jasper gave a polite smile to the Manager, who just nodded and waited patiently.

"Hello?" Jasper asked into his phone, he waited for a few seconds before answering, "I'll let you out of the closet when I'm done shopping, but I'm talking with someone right now!" He yelled into the phone. He waited a few more seconds before yelling again, "I don't care if your running out of oxygen, that's your fault for crying so much!" he snapped the phone shut and put it back in his pocket.

His enraged expression turned to a sickly sweet smile before turning back to the manager. "I'm Sorry for the interruption." He apologized to the manager. The look on the manager's face was priceless, he was as pale as us.

"And Sam Walton f-founded Wal-M-mart." The manager spoke in a rush. "I'm sorry I have to be somewhere to help my employees with uhm, un-packing." The manager walked off quickly without another word.


	9. Code red One!

**Author's Note:**Wow! I know, I haven't updated in FOREVER. I'm very sorry about that. We went to Mexico for a week, my ipod broke there, And my ipod is my life, so we came back and gave the ipod back to the store to fix since we had a 3 year warranty, and they called saying they wouldn't fix it because it was dropped, but it wasn't dropped it was an electrical thing. So I had to get a new ipod, and they didn't make the old skinny nano's anymore, so I got a new green nano. And all my songs disappeared. I had about 600 songs, now I have 132 -.- It doesn't fit in my palm, like my old nano, and I don't really like it. Swim Conference came up, and I really had to focus all of my attention and extra practices on that. It payed off because I got first place in all of them, and a couple coaches from other teams accused our Coach Joe of feeding Amanda and I steroids. Haha, the fun times :)

You may also notice that I changed me penName from Bella Rosalie Cullen to Rosalie Lillian Hale Cullen. I'm sorry if that causes any confusion. I'll try to post new chapters on all of my stories ASAP! I'm sorry for keeping you waiting so long! **And then I'm starting a new story on Fictionpress, it's called Bleeding Hearts, the link to it is on my profile, please check it out and review!**

-Rosalie Lillian Hale Cullen

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**Bella's P.O.V**

Rosalie's eyebrow popped up and a smile spread across her face. We instantly knew that she was up to something. Alice burst out laughing and we just rolled our eyes while Emmett groaned. "No fair you guys!" He complained like a 2-year old. "Not all of us have psychic and mind-reading powers!" We heard a low gasp behind us and turned to see a grandma looking at us wide-eyed.

Emmett smiled sheepishly and gave a nervous laugh, "My siblings and I are, er, playing a game. Yeah that's it.. Haha" He raised his hand to scratch his head. The old lady just sighed and shook her head.

"The pills are working up on me again, next thing you know, I'll be seeing flying purple cows!" She muttered while turning around and walking away slowly. As soon as she was out of hearing range, we all turned to Emmett and glared. He ignored eye contact and looked a little too interested in the toilet paper on the shelf.

"Emmett! you idiot!" Rosalie seethed, venom dripping from every word. I flinched at her use of tone but Emmett didn't budge. "You complete moron! What if it didn't go that easy! Everyone would find out our secret! What the hell is the matter with you?!" She continued ranting and Emmett finally looked her in the eyes.

"Rosie, I'm sorry." His golden eyes melted and Rosalie's eyes softened, her glare disappearing. She walked up to him in 2 long strides and kissed him on the cheek.

"Hey pretty Boy, your not out of this, yet. You can't dazzle us into forgetting about it." Jasper called playfully, but As I turned to look at him, his eyes were hard, serious. I turned to Edward and his expression was so intense, my breath caught in my throat. His eyes were as black as Midnight.

As soon as I found my voice and tore my eyes away from his I gave a little laugh. "Hey, Rose, what prank did you have in mind?" Hopefully, my distraction would work, and we would go back to pranks and fun. Her smile returned, but the atmosphere around us was still tense.

Rosalie un-wrapped her arm from Emmett's waist and strode in front of us, motioning for us to follow her. She led us to a cash register with a bored looking teenage boy working it. As soon as he saw her, his jaw dropped. Emmett growled lightly, but shut up when I elbowed him.

"Excuse Me, May I please use the intercom, my brother has gone missing in the store, he went to find something, but won't meet up with us, I'm afraid I'll have to call him to the front desk." Her voice was soft and the employee merely nodded, handing Rosalie the Intercom Phone.

"Oh and, Can you please get me a glass of water, I'm pretty thirsty from running around and looking around for him." She unleashed the full power of her eyes and the boy scurried off looking for a glass of water.

"Now that he's gone, i won't have a lot of time." She mumbled to herself. Her eyes scanned the code list and as soon as she found one, he eyes lit up and she picked up the phone.

"Code red 1, Code red 1!" Rosalie's voice filled the store and a Blond girl employee with the name of Cayla (By the look on her name-tag), dropped her broom and started to run around wildly.

"Shoplifter on FIRE! CODE RED 1! A flaming HOBO! HE'LL GET US! I KNEW THEY WOULD ATTACK US! FLAMING HOBO! IT'S A FLAMING HOBO! CODE RED 1!" She continued screeching.

We burst out laughing and Rosalie gave a accomplished smile. She rushed up to us and started pulling us along, away from the registers. "We don't want to get caught." She explained as she led us around to the other side of the store.

We stopped and looked at Rosalie, bursting into laughter again. "I dragged two codes together. Code Red as in Fire and Code 1 as in shoplifter. So it was shoplifter on fire." We started laughing again and Jasper started digging through some shelves, looking around for something.

"Jas, their by the end of the isle." Alice's soprano voice floated over the silence and he nodded his thanks. We looked at Jasper, confused at what he was looking for.

He came back carrying a stuffed animal. A white cat with a pink collar. Emmett burst out laughing wildly. "Is that your new best friend, Jasper?" Jasper glared icily at Emmett. He walked ahead of us, and we as usual followed. This time, we were hidden behind some carts as Jasper stood by the front of the store. He hunched his shoulders, and petted his cat looking around wildly, Just Like Dr.Evil from Austin powers.

"It's alright Bessie." He said, addressing the cat. "Don't listen to what their saying." By now, a small circle of people gathered around him.

"Son, are you alright?" A man in his middle 50's asked Jasper. Jasper looked at the man with a glare and covered the cat's ears.

"No!" Jasper screeched. "Your hurting Bessie! She doesn't like you! She's my best friend!" He continued his rant and all of the sudden stopped talking and started cradling the stuffed animal in his arms lovingly. Almost all of the people around him walked away, scared. I can't blame them.

"It's all right, Bessie. Shhh." Jasper continued in a soft voice.

"Huh" Emmett spoke from behind us. "I wonder what would happen if fat Bastard from Austin powers was turned into a vampire. Not even sexy vampire powers would make him look 'Dazzling'." We all groaned.

"Emmett, don't go trying to turn fat Bastard into a vampire." Edward whispered and Emmett frowned. "Damn."

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**Author's Note:** Haha, I know. I always wondered about the fat Bastard thing. Anyway, i made up the Code 1 thing, I don't know if it really means Flaming Shoplifter, but it's something along those lines. Anyway, I hope you liked my pranks for this chapter, and well, review please :) Oh and the Cayla employee is based on my best friend. She came back from clover filed, and we always shout Flaming HOBO'S! Because in Clover Field there's a part like this when their on the subway.

Dude 1: I heard stories that they light hobo's on fire in the subway.  
Dude 2: What if a flaming hobo attacks us?

So yeah, Review please! Oh and check out my other story, Bleeding Hearts, the link is on my profile, and review for that too please :)


	10. AntiDepressents?

**Author's note: **Hello my lovely readers! (and hopefully reviews), I'm back! -cue cheezy music- Did the Twilight section miss me? I changed my pen-name again. this one is stable. I know i left this story without an update for a couple of months, but that's because I have started my Batman story that I am having a lot of fun with. Until i am done with my Batman fan-fic, I will not update any twilight stories. Except maybe a couple updates of this one here and there, I just couldn't stop a fan-fic which had 308 reviews. (Whoo. That's a lot.) And so, this is one of the shortest chapters in the history of short chapters, probably not even that funny, but it's basically one of those, "Hello! I'mback!" chapters, you know? (I actually think this author's note is longer than the actual chapter itself.) And I actually looked over all the suggestions for pranks that I got in teh reviews, and I am sad to say that I have gotten SO much, I can't keep track of them, let alone fit them all in. I am so sorry, I will only be able to fit in a couple from various people.

* * *

**Bella's .**

The pranks were getting extremely fun, and this only felt like the beginning. Emmett seemed to have something on mind, and once we all gathered together, he turned to us with pleading eyes.

Rolling my own set of eyes, I nodded along with the rest of the Cullen's.

Emmett smirked in victory and walked away to the gun department, with us following a few feet behind.

Alice once again giggled and Edward chuckled; both of them once again seeing what was going to happen.

"Can't you guys turn off your powers just for today?" I huffed; crossing my arms.

Alice giggled at me, "No, silly!" I was expecting her to say something like, 'We can't turn them off, but instead she ended with clasping her hand over her mouth and saying, "It's too much fun!"

By the guns, Emmett cleared his throat and we all shut up, turning our full attention to them.

"Hello, sir. How may I help you?" The clerk behind the counter asked Emmett.

Emmett seemed deep in though, looking over the guns. "Well, I was thinking of buying a gun…"

The clerk nodded, "Yes. You do know that you need to show me a gun license for it though, right?"

Emmett put his hands in his pockets and pulled out a gun handling I.D. My eyebrows rose in astonishment, "I'm not going to ask."

"Alright, sir. What kind of gun are you looking for?" The clerk asked.

Emmett looked at him as if he was stupid, "One that kills?"

The clerk nodded, pushing up his glasses which fell onto his nose, "Ah. A hunter I see?"

Emmett looked at him with a weird glance and nodded slowly. Damn. He was a good actor.

"You see, we have a huge variety of gun here-" The clerk started, but sensing a huge conversation coming along, Emmett cut him off, "May I just have that pistol over there?" He inquired, pointing at a black pistol hanging in one of the glass cases.

Nodding, The clerk walked off, and took the gun out, starting to bag it in one of the Wal-Mart grocery bags, "And would you like a set of 24 bullets with that, sir?"

"Yes." Emmett answered, his face stony and serious, giving me slight chills.

After packing the gun up, the clerk handed Emmett the bag. Taking hold of the bag by the handles, Emmett started to walk away, but turned back to the clerk.

"And sir?" He asked.

The clerk's head shot up, "Yes?"

"Would you by any chance know where the anti-depressants are?"


End file.
